The interview
by elitalia
Summary: Rachel has married Finn, had a son and forgot all about her Broadway dreams. One night she watches Quinn – now an actress – being interviewed on a tv show. When Quinn is asked if she has ever been in love, her answer leaves Rachel stunned.
1. Chapter 1

**The interview**

**Part 1**

It is already half past ten when Rachel finally gets to relax on the couch with a cup of scalding black tea in her hands. She feels tired like most of her nights.

She grabs the remote and turns on the tv. She doesn't watch a lot of it these days – apart from the imperative dose of cartoons – but tonight she is waiting for a specific program to start, The Tommy Thomson Show.

She is not a fan of it. In the two years of airing she has only caught clips of interviews the man did with her Broadway idols, but tonight she has a good reason to watch it live.

Finn is not there with her. He is out at a bar with some of his friends catching a football game and having a drink. She won't ever admit it but she loves the occasional nights he is not around; they are breaths of fresh air to the suffocation she is feeling at spending time with a man she has started to resent.

Their son is asleep in his room. Rachel has read him two chapters of 'The Golden Compass' – Andrew loves listening to her mother reading him stories more than hearing her sing – before he closed his eyes and Rachel went downstairs to make tea.

Now – hot drink already finished – Rachel's exhaustion is catching up with her and she is on the verge of dozing off when the loud intro to The Tommy Thomson Show startles her awake.

Rachel blinks away her sleepiness and sits up straighter on the couch. She has to wait fifteen minutes before the host announces the guest she is so anxiously waiting to appear.

Quinn Fabray enters the studio acclaimed by the audience. Rachel watches as the actress waves at the audience and then at the cameras as she makes her way to Tommy. Rachel recognizes the confident walk as the one that Quinn – clad in her cheerleader uniform – sported back in the hallways of McKinley.

When the camera zooms in on Quinn's face after the actress has taken a sit, Rachel's air is stolen from her lungs. Quinn's eyes are as mesmerizing as ever, and the look of happiness in them is so new and vibrant.

Quinn has been an actress for little more than two years. She made her debut on a romantic comedy that Rachel has found particularly dull, and has just started a guest star appearance on the show 'Us against Love'.

Rachel hasn't seen or heard from her since the summer of three years before when Quinn came to Lima for a quick visit. She had invited Quinn over for dinner and the girl had talked about her classes at Yale and her life in New Haven, and played with 2-year-old Andrew who simply adored her. At the time Quinn wasn't even considering becoming an actress.

Rachel only found out about Quinn's acting career because of the proud articles dedicated to her on 'The Lima Gazette' and from her talks with Tina and Kurt. It had hurt her so much to know that the girl was making a name for herself while she was stuck in Lima forever.

The interview has started and Rachel listens attentively to every word that Quinn says. The actress replies to every question with wit and deepness. She talks about the tv show, her life in LA, and her love for crosswords. Tommy and the audience are charmed, enthralled by Quinn's beauty and brilliancy.

Rachel is affected by the passion that her former friend radiates, something she has never seen in Quinn and much as beautiful it is also very painful. That passion was Rachel's seven years ago, that fire was what animated Rachel through her high school experience and every song she performed.

Rachel is also taken aback by how much honesty and openness there are in Quinn's answers: the stoic, cold and defensive Quinn Fabray is nowhere in sight.

"Your first movie and the show have a common theme: romantic love. Is it also a part of your life? Tell us, have you ever been in love?" Tommy asks Quinn. The soft and shy smile that appears on Quinn is so beautiful and makes the answer so obviously positive.

"Yes, once, back in high school," Quinn replies and Rachel is surprised. She is surprised that Quinn has to recall her high school days to talk about being in love and she is also surprised because she doesn't remember Quinn ever loving her boyfriends: Finn had just been the mean to win Prom Queen and affirm her status, Sam a brief distraction and Noah a mistake.

"Those were very hard years for me; back then I saw my life crumble in front of me more than once," Quinn elaborates and Rachel is sure that Quinn is now thinking about her pregnancy and her car accident. "But in all the chaos that was my life, there was one person who always anchored me, offering me their support, their friendship, their caring and their sensible words."

Rachel is at loss. She doesn't understand whom Quinn is talking about.

"Ambitious, passionate, forgiving, smart, and so talented, it was impossible not to fall," Quinn pauses, takes a deep breath and goes on, "not to fall for _her_."

"Her?" Tommy asks bewildered.

"Yeah, her," Quinn reaffirms and someone in the audience whistles in approval. Quinn has just come out on national tv but Rachel doesn't even realize it. Her mind is repeating Quinn's description and she is sure that she is not being presumptuous in thinking that Quinn is talking about her.

"I never told her I was in love with her. She probably wouldn't have believed me; I spent a lot of time bullying her before reluctantly accepting her friendship." It's unmistakable. Quinn is talking about her. Rachel's blood starts to pound hard in her head.

"Knowing and loving her was one of the most enriching experiences of my life," Quinn concludes, sealing the words with a bittersweet smile.

"Well, what if the girl you're talking about was watching us right now, what would you say to her?"

The actress turns fully towards the camera. "Thank you. You were kind to me even if I didn't deserve it. And I'm sorry, Rachel," Quinn eyes widen in shock, letting the name escape clearly wasn't her intention, but she goes on, "I'm so sorry because I didn't try enough to make you follow your dream…"

Quinn clears her throat and turns back to Tommy who thanks her for the interview. Quinn says her goodbye as the audience loudly applauds her.

Rachel is stunned. She has never imagined that Quinn might have loved her once. It's a new information that her mind doesn't seem able to process.

"Quinn Fabray was in love with me," Rachel repeats the sentence a few times emphasizing its different elements and trying to make it sound less surreal.

Mixed emotions surge in her body; there's anger, disbelief, smugness, but the most prominent one is shame.

Rachel feels ashamed because the person that Quinn loved does no longer exist. She feels ashamed because the woman she is now would never enrich someone else's life: her ambition was left behind long ago, her passion was forgotten, her talent was wasted on teaching singing lessons to four spoiled and mediocre girls.

And ultimately Rachel feels ashamed because there's a strong temptation inside of her to consider Quinn responsible for her miserable life.

If Quinn had confessed her feelings, she would have known that she was lovable, that someone else than Finn – the quarterback of a team that only ever won three games, the boyfriend who never stood up for her, the reluctant Glee co-captain without any ambition – could love her. And that someone was Quinn, smart, gorgeous, tenacious and so beautifully broken Quinn.

And if Quinn had confessed her feelings, maybe she would have opened her eyes and left Finn; she would have gone to New York and had her chance to become the star she dreamt of being since she was three.

Letting her mind thinking like that is plain stupid. Rachel has chosen this life by herself. Quinn did try to deter her from it (maybe that's the biggest proof of Quinn's love for her: the desire for her happiness, the need to steer her away from an unwise marriage) but back then no one could have destroyed the image of Finn as the dreamy leading man, as the perfect boyfriend and as all she needed to be happy that she had recreated in her head.

No one but herself. And with time Rachel did.

Rachel finds herself silently crying herself to sleep some nights, when the oppression of her crumbled dreams and her mediocre life becomes too much.

That night is one of those nights.

* * *

A/N: First attempt to write a more organic/less fragmented fic. Hopefully, it won't be a total disaster.

There's only 4 other parts (about the same length of this one) to come. I hope you'll be willing to read them.

English is not my native language, I apologize for any mistakes.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you all for your reviews and for the general interest in this story. They're unexpected, gratifying and a little bit pressuring. I really hope I'm not going to disappoint your expectations.

Enjoy your reading!

**The interview**

**Part 2**

The morning after, Rachel wakes up from a night of tormented dreams with Finn's body pressed into hers. She has long lost the feeling of happiness, protection and excitement that comes with it and so she quickly stands up and goes in the bathroom to take a shower.

Under the pouring water she rethinks of Quinn's interview and tries to remember the little high school moments that could have made her aware of the girl's feelings for her.

Rachel remembers a frustrated Quinn telling her that she couldn't hate her for hoping to send her on her way; she remembers the reassuring hug the girl gave her when she was feeling sorry and guilty about her car accident; she remembers the bittersweet smile on Quinn's face the day of her wedding.

Were there adoration and love in Quinn's eyes whenever she looked at her? She honestly can't remember.

Rachel had learned to consider Quinn a friend after the bullying stopped, but she had never been sure about where she stood with the girl. She had surely felt valued for her talent and strong character but she had never felt loved.

Was Quinn keeping her at a distance because of her feelings?

She is still searching for answers in the past when she picks up her copy of 'The Lima Gazette' from the porch. A big bold title states 'Quinn comes out. "I was in love with Rachel Berry!"'.

It figures that Jacob Ben Israel had to make an eight-page special about Quinn's love confession and sexuality, and about her relationship with Rachel throughout high school.

Rachel scans the article and gets sick at Jacob's interpretation of their history. No one can understand what passed through them; no one was ever present to their most heartfelt moments. And considering how unexpected Quinn's declaration was, clearly not even Rachel truly understood all their interactions.

She is contemplating throwing the newspaper away but then she realizes that it is the easiest way to let Finn know about it.

When she goes back in the house, her husband is coming down the stairs – still in his boxers and shirt but freshly shaven – and smiling at her.

"Good morning!"

"Morning!" Rachel replies. She quickly enters the kitchen, throws the paper on the counter and starts making breakfast.

Finn follows her and takes a sit. She can hear him take the paper and unfold it.

"What's this?" Finn asks after a moment. "Do you know what this is about?"

Rachel starts the coffee machine and turns to her husband who is holding the newspaper in the air.

"Nothing. Quinn was at The Tommy Thomson Show last night. She was asked if she's ever been in love and she said that she was in love with me back in high school," she explains with dryness.

Finn looks at the title again. "That must be a joke. I mean, Quinn is not even gay!"

Rachel sighs loudly. "I really don't think she was joking, Finn. No one comes out for fun in Hollywood."

"But how? Come on, don't tell me you believe this. She bullied you. She was never that happy to be your friend. She fought with you over me!"

Rachel can't blame Finn; her relationship with Quinn was complicated. "She really was my friend, Finn. And I do believe her."

"Why? I mean, has she ever been kind to you?" Finn inquires.

Rachel doesn't answer him; he won't understand. Actually, they shouldn't even be talking about this, about something that Quinn – someone who is no longer part of their life - has said in a stupid interview.

She just turns her back to Finn and finds two mugs for the coffee. She then retrieves the milk from the fridge and puts it on the gas ring, while her husband reads the article.

"This is bullshit," Finn says closing the gazette angrily. "Quinn was probably asked to say this by her agents. You know, to get all the media attention about her supposed gayness or to win over lesbian fans everywhere."

Rachel gets angry at his words. "Is it that impossible for you to believe that Quinn loved me?"

Finn does not offer an immediate answer.

"God, she did love me," Rachel is now screaming. "She was the only one to rightfully tell me I shouldn't have married you!"

"What are you saying, Rachel?" Finn springs from his sit making the stool fall on the floor. "_You_ wanted to marry me. Quinn was just being stupid."

At that moment Andrew pokes his head in the kitchen. "Why are you yelling?" He timidly asks.

Finn sends a furious gaze at her wife and leaves the kitchen. Rachel tries to calm herself and looks remorseful at her son.

"It's nothing, honey." She kisses the top of his head and lifts the fallen chair. "Sit here!"

Rachel moves to pour chocolate covered cornflakes and the heated milk in a batman bowl. "Here, have your breakfast!"

She pours herself a cup of coffee and when Andrew has finished his cereals she goes upstairs with him to help him get ready for kindergarten.

When they come back downstairs Finn – in his blue overalls – is already at the door waiting for his son.

"Bye, mom!" Andrew kisses Rachel goodbye.

"Have a nice day, honey!"

Rachel looks at Finn, who is still clearly upset.

"I'll be home late," is all he says as he closes the door behind him.

-x-

As soon as Finn and Andrew have left, Rachel starts cleaning the kitchen. The vigorous wipes at the granite top and at the dirty cups make her anger deflate.

She hasn't expected to start a fight with Finn. She had imagined that he was going to be confused and surprised but not that he could refuse to accept Quinn's words as truthful.

One hour later – when the kitchen is more pristine than ever – the doorbell rings. Rachel goes to the door but keeps it closed when she sees Jacob Ben Israel through the spy-hole.

"Come on Rachel! I just want to ask a few questions…" comes his annoying voice from behind the door.

"Go away Jacob. I've got nothing to say."

He is so persistent that Rachel has to call the police to make him leave her propriety.

-x-

At around midday she checks her cellphone – she usually looks at it only once in a day since there are not many people who contact her – and sees the messages and missed calls (mostly from Tina and Kurt).

The only message that she bothers to read is the one from Santana, who has not written to her in months and has certainly done that now because of her best friend's interview.

'Berry, I bet you watched The Thomson Show last night. I'm sure you want to talk to Q. here is her number. don't yell at her too much. Britt says hi.'

Rachel hasn't thought about contacting Quinn, but now that the chance is presented to her she realizes that she wants to hear an explanation from her former friend. There are so many things that she wants to ask: she wants to know when Quinn fell for her, if the girl was jealous about the wedding, if someone (Santana perhaps) knew and why Quinn never told.

Rachel spends her afternoon – and of course it has to be one afternoon without any singing lessons to distract her – pondering if it is a good idea to contact Quinn.

It's around 5.30 when she finds the courage to call. She sits at the living room table, on the edge of a chair, with a little notepad in front of her. After five rings – and many nervous circles drawn on the paper – someone picks up.

"Hello?"

"Quinn? I'm -"

"Rachel. Santana told me you might call," Quinn interrupts her. "I'm happy you did. I really wanted to apologize. I should have -"

"It's okay. There's no problem." Rachel reassures her; she hasn't call to hear an unnecessary apology.

"But I'm sorry. I didn't consider how it could affect you and I really hope no-one is bugging you about what I said."

"I'm in Lima, Quinn. The only one is Jacob Ben Israel."

"Tell him, he'll hear from my lawyers if he bothers you again."

"There's no need Quinn. I can handle him."

"Okay."

A long silence falls upon them; Rachel draws other circles on the notepad.

"So, you were in love with me…" She finally says.

"Yes, Rachel."

"You never told me."

"You would have rejected me. I spared myself the humiliation."

Until that moment Rachel has only thought about the difference that Quinn confessing her feelings in high school would have had on her own life; she hasn't considered once what it would have meant to Quinn. As the actress has just said, back then Rachel would've rejected her, she would've broken Quinn's heart, she would've hurt the girl as too many people had already done. Quinn would've put herself on the line for nothing. Rachel realizes then how selfish it was to just even think about expecting that from her.

For the first time she feels honestly happy that Quinn never said anything.

"But why did you tell it now?"

"I-I don't know. Tommy made that question and it felt like the right moment to tell the truth, to finally confess it. And the bonus is that now everyone knows I like women."

It's a very simple and a bit disappointing reason but Rachel understands. "I guess I can only be happy to have indirectly being a part of your coming out. Quinn, you're going to be such a good role model for a lot of young queer girls…"

"Oh, I'll be ecstatic even if I gave the courage to only one girl to be her true self!"

"Did you really not love anyone else after me?" Rachel asks after a beat, bringing the conversation back to its central topic.

Quinn laughs, "Oh boy. I had a_ lot_ of lovers since high school, but I never felt anything for any of them. You'd been the only one whom my heart ached and swelled for; you were the one whom I wanted to be better for. Only you made me want to belong to someone."

Rachel swallows hard and keeps silent; she doesn't know what to say. She is embarrassed by Quinn's words and she feels strangely guilty for not having had any romantic feelings for Quinn. All of a sudden Rachel looses her hunger for answers.

Quinn must sense the awkwardness and offers a change of topic, "So tell me, how is Andrew?"

"He's doing very well, thank you. He grows up so fast."

"I bet. He is 5 now, right?"

"Yes."

"And how's Finn?"

"He's fine. Burt's business is going well and he's thinking of remodelling the garage during the summer."

"That's good. And…how are you, Rachel?" Quinn's careful tone implies she already knows the answer.

"I-I'm…I'm…" Rachel finds herself unable to form the word 'fine', to give voice to a lie. A loud sobs leaves her lips, instead.

"Rachel?"

Rachel starts fully crying. God, she is so miserable she can't even lie about it. Letting Quinn – who is living the perfect and successful life - know that she is so unhappy makes her feels pitiful and mortified.

"Rachel, don't cry!" The plea in Quinn's voice only makes her cry harder. In a futile attempt to conserve an ounce of dignity Rachel cuts the call off.

Quinn is quick to call her back but Rachel doesn't answer and when Quinn tries again and again, she turns the phone off.

-x-

Later, when Finn comes home, Rachel has put aside her tears and embarrassment and started dinner.

"I'm sorry. I guess I understand if Quinn loved you. I mean, you're great," Finn apologizes about that morning.

He could have definitely offered a better apology but Rachel is pleased: the fight is over and she won't have to discuss the fact that she implied that she's not happy with their marriage.

One hour later her dads bring Andrew home after their afternoon together. Seeing her son gives Rachel the peace and the serenity that have eluded her the whole day.

"We read the paper this morning. You never told us that Quinn was in love with you!" Her dad says as she escorts him at the door.

"That's because I didn't know!"

"Really? Oh my! And she felt like saying so after seven years? On a tv show?" Hiram asks shocked.

"Yeah…"

"Just tell me you didn't love her back or everything is simply tragic!"

Rachel looks puzzled at her dad. "Of course not. I was with Finn!"

"Yeah, right. Oh, I bet she would've been the perfect girlfriend…and the perfect daughter in law!" Hiram says wistfully.

Her dad (and daddy too, actually) has never been fond of Finn and Rachel has found herself defending her husband on many occasions; occasions that have become less frequent as Rachel's blind love for Finn has started to wither.

So Rachel easily ignores the veiled jab at her husband and just opens the front door. She kisses her father goodbye, waves at her daddy who is waiting in the car and gets back in the living room.

-x-

That night, as she gets ready for bed, she thinks back to her father's words. Rachel is sure that Quinn would have been the perfect girlfriend: the girl hadn't acted the part with her boyfriends but she had also never loved them. Rachel imagines Quinn writing love poems, organizing wonderful dates, defending her from Karofsky's slushies…

"G'night!" Finn says, interrupting her musing, when she slips under the covers.

"Good night!" She replies as she turns off the lights.

In the darkness Rachel forces herself not to think anymore about Quinn and about what the girl – given the chance to be in Finn's place – might have given her.

It's a lost battle until sleep overcomes her.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for the love you're giving to this fic! It's really appreciated! Here's part 3, hope you enjoy it!

**The interview**

**Part 3**

The following days various Lima citizens ask Rachel about Quinn (whose calls she is still refusing to take): Mrs MacDuff, the cashier at the grocery store, asks her if she had suspected something back in high school; The Lima Bean young barista, while obnoxiously chewing a gum, asks Rachel if she would have "banged Quinn"; the girls she teaches ask to take a picture with her to proudly show to their friends that they know Quinn Fabray's high school crush.

People she has never talked to before stop her in the streets to know something more about their history. It is a bit unnerving and disturbing but eventually Quinn's love confession gets forget. Even Rachel stops thinking about it; she avoids tormenting herself with thoughts of Quinn and with the what-ifs, and keeps living the life she has chosen.

However she keeps reading the articles dedicated to Quinn on 'The Lima Gazette'. The newspaper publishes and comments all of Quinn's statements; it reports every interview and tweet of the actress who confirms her full homosexuality, thanks her fans for the support and announces her presence at the LGBTQ Visibility Awards.

It's probably out of consideration for her, but Rachel feels disappointed that Quinn never mentions her again.

-x-

It's a Saturday of May and Rachel is at the grocery store for the weekly shopping when she receives a message from Quinn.

Three months have passed since the interview and since her embarrassing breakdown on the phone. Quinn had stopped trying to contact her a week after that and so she is surprised by the unexpected message. Rachel stops in the middle of the aisle to read it.

'I'll be in Lima for the next two weeks. I would really like to see you, Finn and Andrew. Is it okay? Let me know.'

Rachel looks at the words on screen for a long time.

If they were to meet now, things were probably going to be very awkward and Rachel would certainly go back to torture herself with images of a life with the girl, but Rachel finds herself wanting to see Quinn, to look at her in the eyes now that she knows that the woman was once in love with her; and so she replies with an invitation for dinner for the following Monday.

Later as she is putting away the groceries, she tells Finn about it.

"She wrote to me, I thought it would be nice to have her over," she explains while noticing the grimace on her husband's face.

"Yeah. I have to go to Frankie's now. He called me before and yeah…" Finn says as he stands up. He takes his jacket and without a goodbye he leaves the house.

Rachel has imagined that Finn wasn't going to be thrilled about having dinner with Quinn – he has expressed a latent and incomprehensible annoyance towards the actress in the past months after all – but she has expected better than a hasty retreat.

-x-

Rachel spends all Monday in a state of nervousness and excitement. She is really happy to have Quinn over but she can already taste the awkwardness of the impending evening.

She cancels her singing lesson and spends the afternoon cooking, recreating meals she only prepares on special occasions.

When Finn comes home with Andrew at around 5, she sends him to take a much needed shower and puts her son in front of the tv; she needs to finish her cooking, undisturbed.

An hour before Quinn's arrival, Rachel leaves the kitchen and starts getting ready. She wants to look beautiful; she wants to remind Quinn why she once was in love with her.

And so Rachel takes a long shower, carefully puts on her make-up and curls her hair. The dress she decides to wear is black and short. The last time she wore it was on her five-year wedding anniversary dinner. It makes her feel a little guilty that the dress worn to please her husband is now on her to welcome Quinn, but she looks better in it than in any other dresses she owns.

When a disgruntled Finn enters their bedroom to change his t-shirt he takes in her appearance and comments, "Isn't it a bit too much for a casual dinner with Quinn?"

Rachel doesn't miss the way he spits their guest's name and she gets even more anxious about the success of the evening.

"I never get to dress up. I took the chance," she replies nonchalantly. "You should wear the gray shirt with the red cuffs and collar; you look handsome in it!" She suggests him, before leaving the room.

When at 7 the doorbell rings, Rachel puts on her black pumps and moves in front of the door. She takes a deep breath and opens it.

After three years Quinn is standing again in front of her, looking more content than ever.

"Hi Rachel!" Quinn greets her, smiling.

"Hello Quinn!"

They stand still, taking each other in for a long moment. Looking into Quinn's happy eyes, Rachel finally relaxes.

It's only when she notices the bouquet of violet tulips and the bottle of wine in Quinn's hands that Rachel remembers her role as a host.

"I'm sorry. Please, come in!"

After closing the door behind Quinn, Rachel takes the gifts from her offering hands. "You shouldn't have!" She comments, smelling the beautiful flowers.

"It's really nothing," her guest replies and then with a new glint in her eyes adds, "You look gorgeous, by the way!"

Rachel blushes at the compliment. She has spent an hour getting ready, hoping that Quinn would think that, but hearing the words coming from the girl's mouth makes her feel self-conscious.

"Thank you!" Rachel says embarrassed. She then looks at Quinn, dressed in a dark pair of jeans and an elegant blue shirt that outline her form perfectly, and comments, "You also look beautiful. Not that you need me to tell you that. I mean, you have your fans saying so, and Hollywood and everyone who is not blind but…"

Rachel notices Quinn's amused smirk and manages to stop her rambling; then, she awkwardly motions Quinn to follow her in the living room.

When they enter the room, Finn promptly stands up from the couch and greets the guest.

"Hello Quinn!" He offers his hand and kisses her cheeks. He then nudges his son, "Andrew, say hi to the lady!"

"Hello!" The boy timidly greets.

"Hello Andrew!" Quinn says, smiling gently at him. "Wow, he looks a lot like you!" She adds, looking at Finn.

"I go put these in the kitchen," Rachel says lifting her full hands, "Finn, make Quinn take a sit at the table."

Rachel leaves her guest with her husband, hoping that he will behave.

When she comes back from the kitchen bringing the opened bottle of wine – a Modenese Lambrusco she can't wait to taste – and the hors d'oeuvres the others are sitting at the table talking about Finn's parents.

"Andrew, did you recognize Quinn from the tv?" Rachel asks her son then. The day before, as a promo for 'Us against Love' was aired, she had explained to him that the blonde girl in the tv was coming for dinner; he had been excited at the prospect.

Andrew gives her a little nod, looking shyly at Quinn.

"You know, Quinn lives in Los Angeles."

"Really?" He asks animated turning towards the actress. "Do you live in Disneyland?"

"Oh no! In Disneyland only live the princesses with their princes and Mickey and his friends!"

"But you look like a princess!" Andrew objects and Rachel's heart melts a little.

Quinn chuckles lightly, "Thank you, you're very charming!"

From that moment, Andrew becomes the entertainer of the evening. He is clearly smitten with Quinn –who without any real efforts has managed to win him over like the last time – and so he enthusiastically talks to her about his favourite cartoons, his love for batman, and his friends. Quinn listens to him with fondness and replies with patience to his questions.

Rachel gets to ask some questions too (when she is able to get her son to eat besides talking) and she finds out about Quinn's promotion as regular for next season of the tv show, about her castmates' quirks and about her upcoming auditions for a few movies.

There's humbleness and real joy when Quinn talks about her job and Rachel finally lets go of the envy of Quinn's success.

For some unwritten rule, they all avoid talking about the interview and their high school days. The fact that Quinn was once in love with Rachel is put aside, momentarily forgotten.

-x-

Dessert comes with a revelation.

Rachel brings the cups of ice cream at the table and then sits down again. When she notices a drop of cream sliding down the cup in front of her, she absentmindedly stops it with her finger which she then sucks clean. As she takes hold of her spoon she feels Quinn's gaze on her. It's intense and lustful; it feels like a lover's caress and makes her body tingle. When she meets Quinn's amber eyes, she can see the desire in them. In a blink, the look is gone but its trace lingers in a few accelerated beats of Rachel's heart.

Rachel slowly eats her dessert wondering if Quinn could still be attracted to her after seven years.

"Everything was delicious, Rachel. Thank you so much!" Quinn comments with a satisfied sigh when she has finished her ice cream. "Let me take care of the dishes!"

"Nonsense! You're our guest and the dishes can wait!" Rachel replies. "Let's move to the couch!"

"Quinn, do you want to play memory with me?" Andrew asks as they leave the table.

"Sure, kid!"

"You don't have to!" Rachel reminds her guest.

"Oh but I want to! Go take the cards, Andrew!"

The boy darts excitedly towards the stairs and Rachel yells in vain after him not to run.

As they wait for Andrew, they take their sits: Rachel and Finn on the couch and Quinn on the nearby armchair.

Rachel intentionally crosses her bare legs slowly, letting her short dress ride high up her thighs, and she is rewarded by Quinn's eyes following the movement. The lustful look of before is back and under the intensity of it Rachel's body pleasurably shivers again.

"Were you really in love with Rachel?" Finn asks abruptly, glaring at her host.

"Finn!" Rachel can't believe that her husband is bringing that up.

"What? She had no problems telling Mr Thomson about it. She can answer a few of my questions!"

"It's okay, Rachel," Quinn reassures her. "Yes, Finn. I was in love with Rachel."

"Why did you date me and Puck and Sam, then?"

"I needed a boy to pretend that Rachel wasn't what I wanted."

"Was it jealousy the reason why you were so opposed to our wedding?"

Rachel knows that the answer is negative and she is surprised that Finn has to ask that; he must know too. Quinn was opposed to their wedding because she thought that they were too young for that type of commitment, because she was sure that Finn would have trapped Rachel in Lima, and because she found Finn undeserving of Rachel.

Rachel waits these words to leave Quinn's mouth but they don't. "Yes. That was it. I wanted to be the one to marry her, to make her happy!" It's not a lie but it's not the whole truth and yet Finn smiles satisfied and almost relieved.

"I'm sorry I was the one who got her!" Finn replies, caressing Rachel's thigh possessively. Rachel can see the clenching of Quinn's jaws.

At that moment, Andrew appears in front of them with the box of cards.

As she helps him and Quinn to place the cards on the coffee table, Rachel thinks of the latest exchange. Did Finn search some kind of reassurance and did Quinn give him one by lying? Well, if that will make Finn stop being annoyed at Quinn, Rachel can take it.

After two victorious games Andrew yawns loudly.

"It's really time for bed, honey!" Rachel announces petting his head.

"I should go then!" Quinn says.

"You don't have to!"

"Andrew needs to be put in bed and I'm sure you're both tired. And you still need to clean up. You're sure you don't want any help?"

"I'm sure, Quinn."

"Okay, then!"

They all stand up and move to the foyer. Andrew yawns again and Rachel turns towards her husband, "Do you mind putting him to bed?"

Finn looks warily between her and Quinn but then nods. "Andrew, say goodbye to Quinn!"

Both Andrew and Finn hug their guest goodbye before getting upstairs.

"Thank you again for inviting me. I was really happy to see you all," Quinn comments.

"I was too. You never visited after three years ago…"

"Well, there's a reason for that. I…" Quinn starts but abruptly interrupts herself. "Can we meet again before I go back to LA?"

The evening has been lovely but it has seen them avoid a serious discussion about what was said three months before; they both know they still need to address it, possibly without Finn.

So, without hesitation, Rachel replies, "Of course!"

Awkwardness falls upon them as they stand silent looking at each other.

Rachel finds herself gazing into Quinn's eyes, looking for the desire she has seen in them before, hunting down the words that her friend hasn't speak moments before, searching for the high-school girl that was once in love with her, seeking the fantasy of a life together.

Quinn averts her eyes before she is able to find anything.

Rachel is tempted to reach out, to take Quinn's face in her hands and force the girl to look at her, to bare her soul for her but she refrains herself.

"Well, I'll go now!" Quinn mumbles gesturing at the door behind her back.

Rachel nods and moves to hug the girl goodbye. Quinn breaks the hug pretty quickly and opens the door.

"We'll see each other soon, then. Bye Rachel!"

"Bye!"

Hands in pockets, Quinn walks away.

-x-

After he has helped her clean the table, Finn wishes her goodnight and goes upstairs.

As she does the dishes, alone in the kitchen, Rachel thinks back to Quinn's lustful looks. Her body hasn't changed in the past years but it amazes her that Quinn might still feel attraction for her, after all this time and after starting working in an industry full of beautiful women.

And it somehow worries her the way her body has responded to the attention. When Finn looks at her with desire Rachel can only feel the heaviness of what has stopped being a pleasurable activity and has purely become a marital duty; but seeing lust in Quinn's eyes has surprisingly excited her.

As she wipes the pans dry, Rachel wonders if Quinn is thinking about her in that instant, if the girl is also replaying those charged moments of the evening. Is Quinn thinking about her legs crossing slowly? Is Quinn imagining running her hands over them and prying them open?

At the thought, a sudden shiver runs through her body and Rachel unintentionally lets go of the pan she's drying.

The loud clank of it hitting the floor is what she needed to stop her dangerous train of thoughts.

A little unsettled, Rachel quickly finishes her cleaning and leaves the kitchen.

Twenty minutes later she is in her bed, struggling to fall asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you all again for the feedback! A few things before you start reading:

1) It took me more time than I thought to finish and post this part; I let you know that your wait is being rewarded with the longest chapter (more than 3000 words, yay!).

2) I would really appreciate your comments on this chapter: I'm in doubts about a few scenes, knowing what you think would really help.

3) I ask you to be patient about **Part 5**: it will surely take more than a week to be up. I still don't know if it's going to be the final chapter; there might be a short separated epilogue.

4) Part 4 is **rated M**; you've been warned!

Enjoy your reading!

* * *

**The interview**

**Part 4**

The morning after, Rachel wakes up remembering the dream that has escorted her for the last minutes of sleep. She can feel her cheeks getting hot from the lingering image of Quinn – dressed in a cheerleader uniform – taking her in a bathroom of McKinley.

Rachel is not totally surprised by the nature of her dream: the evening before she had been excited because of Quinn and her lustful looks after all.

Rachel forces the image away and starts her morning routine: she takes a shower, dresses herself and gets breakfast ready.

Soon Finn and Andrew are awake and gone, while Rachel keeps going with her housewife duties.

When her eyes find the bouquet of tulips that Quinn gave her, thoughts of the girl fill Rachel's mind again.

Rachel replays her dream: she sees her dream self sat on the bathroom counter, clinging tightly to Quinn who is kissing her neck and pleasuring her with her fingers, she hears her dream self moaning and asking Quinn for more, she feels…

Rachel feels arousal course through her body; it's not the rush of excitement she felt the day before, it's a slow burning sensation that grows stronger as she keeps replaying her dream. It's something she hasn't felt for long.

After the interview Rachel has spent days fantasizing about being Quinn's girlfriend – both in her high school years and today – but she hasn't thought once about the sexual aspect of that dreamt relationship. She was never in love with Quinn and she never felt attraction for her; but now all she can see is Quinn – someone who would really cherish her and always put her first – pleasuring her.

Scenes of her dream combine with newfound fantasies and Rachel becomes aware of the wetness between her legs. She can't believe the intensity of her desire: after years of numbness her body is reacting with excitement at the idea of sex. Sex with a woman. Sex with Quinn.

Rachel doesn't take time to reflect; she wants to thrive in the excitement she is feeling and so she calls Quinn.

The actress replies at the third ring. "Hello Rachel!"

"Hi Quinn! I know it's short notice but I wanted to ask if you'd like to spend some time with me this morning," Rachel says in a breath.

Quinn's answer is immediate, "I'll come in half an hour. See you soon."

As she waits for Quinn, Rachel changes into a black lacy thong and a short polka dot dress. She then sits on the couch, staring at the wall clock over the tv and trying to fight off the need to touch herself.

Later, as she welcomes Quinn in her home, Rachel notices her guest's eyes indiscreetly focusing on her exposed legs. It's all she needs to step in front of Quinn and kiss her hard.

Rachel pours her desperation into the thrilling contact of their lips. She tries to convey her need to feel something, to be pleasured and to be in the arms of someone who can really treasure her.

Quinn responds to the kiss but eventually distances herself. "Rachel, what are you doing?" She asks; there's no judgement or annoyance in her question: Quinn just wants to hear the reason of her actions.

"Please. Please, I know there's still a part of you that wants me…and I need this. I need you!"

Rachel watches through moist eyes as Quinn decides what to do. It's with joyous relief that she welcomes Quinn's lips against hers.

Kissing Quinn feels amazing and surreal and makes Rachel's arousal stronger than ever.

When hands start roaming with purpose, Rachel stops and says, "Let's take it upstairs!"

"I won't take you in the bed you share with your husband," Quinn affirms resolutely.

It's a very lucid statement that makes Rachel hesitate; it's just a second. "We can use the guestroom…"

-x-

It's strange for Rachel to feel her naked body pressed against a female one. There are soft skin and curves, strands of hair caressing her own skin and the sweet scent of vanilla bodywash. There are also tender kisses and gentle hands. It's strange and wonderful.

.

When Quinn's fingers enter her slowly, it's to add fuel to the need that is running in her body. When they start moving in and out of her, Rachel feels like flames might really blaze inside of her.

.

Soon her back is arching in pleasure and a powerful orgasm is washing over her. The waves of ecstasy extinguish the fire in her body.

.

When a few minutes later Rachel lowers her right hand to pleasure her, Quinn stops her.

"This is about you."

"But-"

Quinn interrupts her placing a finger on her lips. "If you want to give me something, let me taste you."

The seductive words – said in a rasping whisper – feel like actual licks at her core. "Okay."

Quinn smiles before moving down her body. Rachel is sure, she won't ever see anything more erotic than Quinn looking at her with her amber eyes burning with desire from between her legs.

.

Rachel's second orgasm hits her hard and she screams, gripping the sheets tightly.

.

When Quinn has made her way back to her lips, Rachel has regained her breathing and completely relaxed. Rachel has never felt as satisfied as in that moment.

-x-

"How was kissing David Eliot?" Rachel asks, breaking the comfortable silence that they have settled into in their afterglow.

"He is not a bad kisser," Quinn concedes to her movie co-star.

"Do you still talk to him?"

"Not really. Sometimes we see each other at events and we catch up, but we aren't friends."

For the following minutes Rachel keeps asking questions about Quinn's past and present castmates and about the actors that Quinn has met.

It's trivial talk and they're both fine with it. Rachel knows that discussing now Quinn's past feelings for her will bring a heaviness to their actions that is needed to be avoided.

It's around midday when Quinn breaks the hold she has of Rachel's waist and announces, "I should go. I promised my mother I would be back for lunch!"

"Okay."

Quinn is quick to redress herself and then stands at the feet of the bed. Rachel notices the way Quinn looks at her in that moment: it's intense and appreciating. Rachel feels like Quinn is taking a mental picture of her.

When their eyes meet, Quinn lowers her gaze.

"I really need to go!" She says but she doesn't move.

And so Rachel stands up from the bed, letting Quinn take in her naked body. She steps in front of her, puts her hand at the base of Quinn's neck and kisses her cheek.

"I'll call you."

Quinn nods, runs her eyes on Rachel's form a last time and then leaves.

-x-

Left alone, Rachel redresses herself, opens the window and changes the sheets. She then eats something, welcomes her student for her singing lessons and when it's time she picks up Andrew from kindergarten.

It's a Tuesday like every other if not for the feeling of Quinn's fingers still inside of her.

That evening, after having spent her morning in the arms of another, Rachel fears Finn's return. But when he comes home, Rachel finds out that she can look at him in the eyes without feeling remorse.

Rachel has cheated on her husband and she doesn't feel the least guilty about it. She really doesn't love Finn anymore.

-x-

On Wednesday Rachel calls Quinn as soon as Finn and Andrew have left. Quinn takes less time than the previous morning to come to her.

One hour later Rachel is laying spent on top of Quinn, who is gently stroking her arm.

"Can you sing something for me?" Quinn asks shyly. Rachel searches her eyes. "I miss your voice!"

"Any request?"

"You choose."

Rachel lays her head on Quinn's chest and lets the strong heartbeat in her ear offer her the rhythm for her singing.

When she had finished, Rachel lifts herself up on her elbow and looks down at Quinn who is smiling softly.

The actress tucks a strand of hair behind Rachel's ear. "Thank you. I've always loved hearing you sing."

"You know, sometimes I find myself watching the video of you singing Don't Rain on My Parade at Sectionals," she confesses. "It gives me chills every time."

Rachel blushes at the admission. She can't believe that Quinn might occasionally take time to watch that old performance because she misses her voice. In almost seven years of marriage, Finn hasn't asked her once to sing something for him.

And so, filled with appreciation, Rachel leans down and kisses Quinn sweetly. It's the first kiss that is not a prelude to sex or shared in the heat of passion; it feels right.

When she pulls way, Quinn smiles brightly at her and says, "Well, I do love hearing you sing but maybe these days I prefer hearing you moan and scream in pleasure!"

Rachel chuckles, endeared by the playful side of Quinn.

-x-

The third morning Quinn lets Rachel pleasure her.

Rachel slips a finger inside of Quinn and wonders at the warm and tight sensation. Being inside of another woman is a strange feeling but it's also thrilling and heady.

Rachel twists her finger and caresses Quinn's walls in fascination.

"Rachel." It's a whiny moan that leaves Quinn's throat and Rachel finally sets a rhythm to her motions, adding a second finger a moment later.

When Quinn arches her body and comes in a silent scream, Rachel is amazed by the girl's beauty: in her orgasmic bliss Quinn looks impossibly beautiful.

Rachel waits for Quinn to open her eyes; when she does, the look in them leaves Rachel breathless. Love is the emotion so clear in her amber eyes.

Rachel forces herself to ignore it.

-x-

The whole week Rachel spends her morning with Quinn.

Quinn's kisses, touches, looks and words make her feel more cherished, appreciated and beautiful than ever.

Rachel can feel again the joy and the passion that were in her heart when she was a teenager; she rediscovers emotions that were forgotten for long.

It's perfect if not for the fact that she is using Quinn – someone who is in love with her – to feel so good. Quinn is giving her everything and more, but she is only offering heartbreak in return. Rachel is taunting Quinn with mornings spent as if they were in a relationship, only to go back to be Finn's wife for the rest of the day. Rachel is selfishly asking Quinn to love her, knowing that she doesn't love her back.

Rachel feels guilty but she just can't stop; she needs Quinn.

-x-

On Monday, after two days spent without seeing each other (Rachel's mornings were spent playing with Andrew at the park), Quinn stops Rachel's lips from kissing hers as she enters her home.

"Did you let Finn be with you?" She asks.

"What?"

"Did you let Finn be with you?" Quinn repeats.

It's a preposterous question of a jealous lover: Rachel should be affronted by it. But the trace of possessiveness behind Quinn's words excites her greatly, as does the bruising kiss that follows her negative nod.

When they have climbed the stairs and got into the guestroom, they hastily undress each other. Rachel is shocked to discover that Quinn's wearing a strap-on.

"I thought we could try something different," Quinn explains embarrassed. "I can take it off if you're not okay with it."

"No, I…Let's do it!" Rachel can't deny she wants it.

Quinn nods and pushes her on the bed.

.

When the toy enters her, Rachel shivers from the coldness of it. Quinn waits for her nod before starting moving.

.

Quinn's thrusts are deep and fast and deliberate and soon Rachel is coming.

.

When Rachel has come down from her high, Quinn pulls out of her and lies on the bed next to her. Rachel takes only one beat to climb on top of Quinn and slip the dildo inside herself.

.

Rachel rides it slowly, with big circular motions, intending to put on a show for the woman beneath her.

She sees the enjoyment, the hunger and the desperation in Quinn's eyes and soon she finds herself on her back again.

"Sorry, I just couldn't…" Quinn says before gripping her hips tight and thrusting inside of her harder and more deeply than before.

.

"Quinnnnn…" Rachel comes screaming the actress's name; it's the first time that happens and Quinn must have realized it because she doesn't stop her movements until Rachel's orgasm blends into another and she's screaming the woman's name again.

.

As Rachel tries to regain her breathing, Quinn pulls out of her, takes off the strap-on and moves to hold her. The sexual gratification and the contentment that comes from being in Quinn's arms make her slowly doze off.

.

When Rachel wakes up, she is tangled in her sheets and cuddling with Quinn.

"God, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to fall asleep," she says looking into Quinn's warm eyes.

"It's okay, Rachel!"

"But I didn't even…I mean, you didn't get to come…" Rachel mumbles embarrassed.

"That's okay, too!" Quinn assures and gently pecks Rachel's lips.

"I could do it now, if you want…"

"Rach, it's already two o'clock and I really got to go."

"Two? Oh God, I have a lesson in an hour!" Rachel shrieks as she stands up.

Quinn chuckles and stands up too. Rachel wraps herself in a robe and waits for Quinn to redress herself.

"What about the strap-on?" She asks as she her eyes fall on the discarded item.

Quinn looks at her while tying up her shoes. "You can keep it. Maybe we can also use it again soon!"

The actress then moves in front of her and kisses her on the cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning?"

Rachel nods and Quinn leaves the room.

-x-

It's the second Wednesday spent in the arms of each other when Quinn remarks, "You're not asking about our past, about my love confession…"

Rachel stares for a long moment into Quinn's eyes: in them, there's the look of love that she has become familiar with; she doesn't need to know anything else.

"You know, when I called you the day after the interview I had so many questions I wanted answers for. But this week I understood that there's no need to ruminate on our past," Rachel explains. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm just happy that someone as amazing as you loved me then and loves me now!"

Quinn looks alarmed at her last words.

"Did you really think I haven't notice you're still in love with me?"

"I…I just didn't want you to know it. It complicates things."

It does. And Rachel feels awful having admitted that she knew about Quinn's feelings but having done anything to stop their liaison.

She wants to apologize but instead she reveals her perplexities about Quinn's sentiments, "Quinn, I need you to ask yourself this: are you in love with me or with the ghost of my high school self?"

Quinn furrows her brows, confused.

"I'm not the ambitious and passionate girl you fell in love with anymore. I'm a bored housewife who is taking advantage of your love for me to have a little excitement back in my life," Rachel painfully admits. "So ask yourself that question and don't tell me the answer. I'm not sure I want to hear it."

Rachel stands up from the bed then and dresses herself. "I think you should go."

Quinn silently complies.

-x-

On Thursday morning Rachel spends two hours waiting for Quinn to knock on the backdoor, but Quinn never does.

The conversation of the day before has obviously affected them. Acknowledging their different stands in their affair has corrupted its being.

But if Rachel has made Quinn realize that she is just clinging to past feelings for her, then Rachel is happy: she has finally done something right towards the girl.

She only prays that Quinn might come over the following day since it's the last that Quinn will spend in Lima.

-x-

Rachel's prays are answered: less than 24 hours later she finds herself opening the door for Quinn.

"I don't want to go back to LA without having taken my last chance to be with you," Quinn says before capturing her lips between her own.

.

That morning Rachel feels like a goddess: Quinn worships her body and kisses every inch of it.

.

Their actions lack the urge, the burning passion, and the desperation of their different times together; it's slow and gentle and when they come they do it together.

.

As they lay embraced afterwards, Rachel says the one thing that she wants Quinn to know before she leaves, "During the interview you said you were sorry that you didn't try harder to make me follow my dreams. You really don't have to feel guilty about it. You did try, I wasn't listening."

"It's not too late to try and follow them, you know?" Quinn offers.

"Oh, come on. I'm almost 25. And I haven't attended any performing art school. I would be eaten alive by younger and prettier girls."

"I could talk to my agent, he knows someone who is a theatre director. You could-"

"Quinn, stop! I chose this life. I realized a little too late it was not what I wanted."

Rachel has buried her dreams of a Broadway career long before, she won't dig them out for having them destroyed because Quinn deludes her into thinking there is still a chance.

"Why are you still with him?" Quinn asks then.

"Finn is a good man. He would be devastated if I left him. And I have to think about Andrew…"

"You're miserable, Rachel. You've lost the ambition to become what you've always wanted to be, okay. But at least have some respect for yourself," Quinn fires back angrily. "Leave Finn, find someone you could really love and who makes you feel loved and happy. Are you really telling me that you could live like this for the rest of your life?"

Quinn has always tried to make her see reason, she has always failed.

"I won't leave Finn."

Rachel doesn't have the courage. She doesn't want people to know that she has failed and that their happy family image was only a sham. She is not ready to change her life in a second, to take a chance and start over as a divorced mom with a meagre job. And ultimately Rachel is afraid that her life would not improve without Finn, that she won't find anything better.

"I can't leave him," she asserts with finality.

Quinn just shakes her head, takes her clothes and leaves the room.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you so very much for your reviews! After days of struggle to write it, I present you the final part. As I mentioned last time though, a short epilogue will follow. I really hope you enjoy your reading!

**The interview**

**Part 5**

Rachel had easily fallen into her morning routine: wake up and shower, have breakfast, send her men on their way, welcome Quinn and spend hours against the actress's naked body.

Now, during the first week without Quinn being in town, Rachel's mornings feel purposeless and empty.

Rachel misses Quinn. She misses the excitement and the happiness she has felt in the woman's arms. She misses hearing Quinn talk passionately about her job, and being asked to sing. She misses the way that Quinn kissed her lips, touched her body and looked at her with devotion.

Rachel wants to call Quinn. She wants to know what Quinn is doing, if she is missing her too, when she's going to be in Lima next time, if she is watching that Don't Rain on My Parade video again.

Several times a morning Rachel finds herself holding her phone and going through her contacts for Quinn's number. She always hesitates to press the call button. She fears that Quinn might not want to hear from her; she's afraid that Quinn might want to finally move on and forget her.

Rachel just wishes she could stop thinking about their two weeks together: they had been a pleasurable and wonderful break from her monotonous and miserable life but they can't become a memory she relives to escape reality.

-x-

Rachel's afternoons are less desolating: she has singing lessons, she plays with her son, she spends time with her fathers. She is busy and her mind doesn't stray back to Quinn.

One afternoon, as she is making a peanut butter sandwich for Andrew, her son timidly inquires, "Can I ask you something, mom?"

"Of course!"

"Jason said he has a sister now. Can I have one too?"

A shocked Rachel almost lets the plate in her hand fall to the floor but she manages to place it intact in front of Andrew.

"Does Jason like having a little sister?"

"He said she is cute but cries a lot. But he'll be her big brother and protect her. I want too."

"You know, it will take a lot of time to give you a sister. The baby has to grow in my belly and it could be a boy and not a girl."

"Oh, I'm not sure I want a brother. Mark isn't very happy about his." Andrew replies and then abruptly changes the topic, "Can I eat my sandwich on the couch? I want to watch cartoons."

"Yes. Here you are!" Rachel gives him a napkin and he moves to the living room.

Rachel takes a sit then. She is relieved that it's Andrew and not Finn asking about a baby: her son will probably forget about his desire for a little sister when one of his friends will say he got a new fancy toy and make Andrew want that instead.

However, Rachel can't hide that she wants to give Andrew a sibling some time in the future: he would learn to share and to be supportive, he would have someone to play with and to love, he would have a friend for the rest of his life.

But Rachel knows that having a baby right now would only be for the wrong reasons: she'd want to relive the joy of becoming a mother to forget her conjugal problems, to focus on the baby and not on her marriage, to have someone else to love.

Rachel really can't consider having another baby right now.

-x-

Rachel doesn't notice that May has morphed into June, but one morning she gets woken up not by her alarm but by Finn's steps in the room. When she opens her eyes her husband is next to her, smiling and offering her a cup of coffee.

"Happy anniversary!" He says and Rachel realizes it's already the 4th of June and 7 years of marriage.

That evening Finn drives her outside of Lima and takes her to a fancy French restaurant. Sharing a classy dinner with her husband should be a joyous occurrence, but Rachel can only feel sadness and resentment.

She looks at the person in front of her and sees the man whom she has forgone her dreams for, the man whose love is not enough to fill her heart, the man who hasn't been able to make her happy for the past few years; Rachel sees the man who is too oblivious to notice how unhappy she is and how different their relationship is from its beginning.

When they get home, Finn leads her straight to their bedroom and undresses her. His hands are callous and rough; his grip too tight.

Finn takes his time and Rachel finds herself whispering "I need you!", faking desperation to make everything last shorter.

Just when her body has started to respond to Finn's actions, her husband groans and comes inside her. Rachel moans loudly then and tenses her body: she pretends to reach her climax to please Finn who smiles satisfied and moves to lie next to her.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Rachel says slipping quickly out of bed.

As she cleans herself up, Rachel can't help but think how wrong having sex with Finn has felt. After knowing Quinn's reverence for her body, the woman's gentle touch, and the excitement and pleasure the actress has made her feel, Rachel is sure she won't ever enjoy being with her husband again.

When she is back in their bed, Finn takes her in his arms. Rachel has never realized before how much his hug feels like a prison. In that moment she is not so sure she could spend the rest of her life at his side.

-x-

Rachel misses Quinn everyday more: her body and her heart ache for her; everyday more being around Finn becomes less bearable.

One afternoon – while Andrew is with his grandma Carol and Finn is still at work – Rachel finds herself taking her laptop in the guestroom and watching 'On a rainy day'.

The movie is even more dull and predictable than she remembered but Quinn is great; she looks stunning and her acting is good: the romantic comedy doesn't require any special skills but Quinn makes the absolute love of her character for David Eliot's completely believable.

However, Rachel can't help noticing the difference between Quinn's on screen enamoured looks and those she saw directed at her: a peculiar glint and a deep warmth distinguish the honest looks.

The final scene – the big wedding between the characters – brings a sudden heaviness to Rachel's heart.

Watching Quinn, dressed in white, ready to share a life with another person makes her sad. It's fictional but Rachel knows that one day it could really happen. Rachel is not so sure she can stand the thought of Quinn being with someone else, loving with all her heart and wanting to marry someone who is not her.

Rachel acts on impulse. She opens a new internet tab and accesses her email account. Calling Quinn could be undesired but writing to her gives Quinn the option to ignore her words. She wants to let Quinn know that she misses her, that she can't stop thinking about their time together, that she wishes she could spend every day with her.

It's with big surprise that Rachel spots (among the unread payment confirmations and her newsletter to the on-line bookstore) an email from Quinn.

With her heart beating furiously in her chest, Rachel opens it.

_Dear Rachel, _

_I finally find the courage to contact you. I really hope you've decided to open this email: there are things that I need to tell you and that I think you should know._

_First of all I need to apologize for the way I left you on our last morning together. I was angry but I shouldn't have left without even saying goodbye. __I should probably apologize for what I said that day too, but I won't. It kills me to see you so miserable and I know you think you won't be able to start over, but you can Rachel, you just need to find the courage and the strength that are inside you and make the needed changes to be happy again._

_Secondly, I want to thank you: I will forever cherish the two weeks I spent in Lima. Having you in my arms, having the chance to pleasure you felt like a dream. __I let you cheat on Finn and I let you give yourself to me for the wrong reasons only because I wanted you. But I can't feel guilty about it; not when I know that I managed to make you forget your sadness for a little while._

_And finally I want you to know the answer to the heavy question you asked me one morning. __Rachel, I spent the past 7 years loving the memories I had of you, loving the obnoxious but passionate and forgiving Glee diva who had stolen my heart the first time I saw her. But those two weeks were spent with you, with the woman who is bitter and sad about her life and her crumbled dreams but who can still melt my heart with her singing, who can still be passionate, who can still talk in long paragraphs, and who still makes me want to belong to her. They were spent with a woman who just needs to be reminded that she's amazing and that amazing things can happen to her...And Rachel, I love that woman more than I ever loved her teenage self, and I could spend every day of my life telling that woman that I love her._

_I only ask one thing from you, Rachel: let yourself be happy. You deserve it._

_With much love, _

_Quinn_

Rachel reads the email, one time, two times, three times.

Quinn's words fill her heart with joy. She can't believe that Quinn really loves _her_, the woman she is today and not who she once was.

Quinn's words move her deeply and make her feel blessed. Quinn wants to belong to her. Quinn wants to tell her she loves her every day. Quinn just wants her to be happy.

Quinn is her better life. Rachel sees it clearly now.

Rachel wants her; she wants to try having a relationship with the woman. She is not in love with her but she is already on the edge, ready to fall and let Quinn catch her.

Rachel needs to go to Quinn.

-x-

Booking a flight to LA for the following day is surprisingly easy: a few clicks and she has assured a way to get to Quinn.

Rachel moves to her bedroom then. She packs the strict necessary for a few days and hides the suitcase in the guestroom.

She'll need to be back soon: she'll have to give Finn an explanation, to let him know why she can't be with him anymore. He will be angry and hurt at first, but Rachel is sure that he'll eventually understand that their marriage couldn't last any longer.

Rachel fears having to explain things to her son: how can she tell him that his family will be different? Will he hate her for leaving his father? Will he understand that she needed to sacrifice their family to be happy again?

Rachel can't think of that now or she'll doubt the rightness of her decision.

Having her fathers being available to bring her to the airport and taking care of Andrew while she is gone is also easy. They obviously ask about the reason of the sudden desire to go to LA but they respect her wish not to tell.

That evening marks the end of the life she has lived until that moment. Rachel won't live as Finn's wife anymore; she won't ever again share a bed with him; he won't be the last person she sees before falling asleep anymore.

Rachel feels content about it.

-x-

The morning after Rachel cancels her singing lessons for the rest of the week and calls Brittany. She needs Quinn's address and the girl can give her that. She avoids calling Santana: she doesn't know if Quinn has shared anything with her best friend but she won't risk having Santana giving her a lecture.

Brittany – who answers the call as she is reaching the dance studio she works in – is happy to hear from her and gives her the address and Quinn's plans for the day without asking questions.

"Quinn loves you deeply. I'm happy you've decided to let yourself love her," she comments before saying goodbye and Rachel can only shake her head in amazement at the girl's insight.

Before leaving her home, Rachel leaves a message to Finn.

_I'm really sorry. _

_I couldn't do this – _us_ – anymore. _

_I'll be back in a few days and we'll talk. _

_Andrew is with my dads. _

_Take care, _

_Rachel_

Closing her house's door behind her, Rachel opens a door to happiness.

-x-

The taxi ride to reach Quinn's house feels longer than the flight. Rachel's legs keep bouncing in anticipation until she is finally going off the car and walking to Quinn's door.

Rachel doesn't take time to admire the fine architecture of the mansion or the beauty of the rose and gardenia bushes at her sides. She only focuses on reaching the doorbell and ringing it.

"I'm coming!" Quinn's muffled voice comes from the inside and Rachel nervously smooths down her dress and takes a deep breath.

"I thought you said you were com-" Quinn, who was clearly expecting someone else, falls silent as she takes her in.

Rachel can't wait a second longer: she steps inside, wraps her arms around Quinn's neck and kisses the woman deeply.

When Quinn starts responding to the kiss, Rachel tastes happiness and love.

Eventually Quinn pulls away. "What's happening?" She asks, looking completely disorientated.

"I got your email. Your words, they were beautiful. And Quinn, I want to share my life with you," Rachel explains with tears in her eyes. "I love the way you make me feel; I never felt happier than those two weeks I spent with you. You make me feel alive. And I know you love me and I know that I'm not there yet. But Quinn, I know that with a little time I can and will fall in love with you!"

"Rachel…" Quinn murmurs, as she wipes away the lonely tear falling on Rachel's cheek.

"Please, Quinn! I want this. I want you!"

It's such a similar yet different plea from the one voiced in Lima three weeks before. There are still the desire to feel deep emotions and the need for someone who can really cherish her, but this plea is not born from a sudden and blinding lust; it comes from a conscious acknowledgment of Quinn's and her own feelings.

The answer is the same: Quinn kisses her.

"Are you sure you want to be with me?" Quinn asks against her lips.

"I am."

In the next touch of their lips, Rachel can feel Quinn's immense joy at finally getting her chance to be with her.

Quinn looks at her then and Rachel's breath is halted by the brightness in her eyes.

"I know we need to talk, but can we do it later?" Quinn asks as she takes her hand in hers. "I want to make love to you…"

"Later is fine," Rachel assures, sharing the same desire. "I just…my suitcase…I left it outside…"

Quinn chuckles and Rachel lowers her eyes, embarrassed by the out of place concern for her things. "I'll take it!"

Rachel stops Quinn before she can move away for her. Her suitcase and their talk can wait but Quinn needs to hear one thing right now.

"Thank you." Rachel conveys all her gratitude for Quinn's acceptance, understanding, love and 7 years long wait in the two words.

Quinn smiles gently at her, "You're welcome!".


	6. Epilogue

**The interview**

**Epilogue**

It is half past ten and Rachel is lying on the couch, waiting for The Tommy Thomson Show to start.

She has never been a fan of it, but since the first live show of that fall Rachel has never missed the weekly airing. It is her way to thank the man for having prompted Quinn to confess she was in love with her, for having somehow offered the turning point in her own life.

Soon Quinn – already dressed for bed – joins her on the couch.

"Is Andrew asleep?" Rachel asks as she moves to lie in Quinn's arms.

"Yeah. And I'm happy to inform you that we have finally moved to 'The Prisoner of Azkaban'."

"Oh, that's great!"

Since Rachel and Andrew have officially moved in at the middle of July, Quinn has started reading to the kid every night; the actress had jumped at the chance to reread the Harry Potter books and introduce an enthusiastic Andrew to them.

Rachel loves that her son and Quinn have that special bonding time in the evening. It's one of those little rituals that contribute to make them a family.

"Did Finn call?" Quinn asks, as she plays with Rachel's hair.

In the last two months, Rachel and Finn have been interacting civilly and regularly.

Finn had been angry, confused and broken-hearted when she had explained to him why their marriage was ending and that she was going to start over with Quinn. He had said some nasty things that had hurt Rachel but he had apologized and eventually forgiven her for leaving him like that.

Rachel still remembers a drunken Finn calling her, one week after she had moved out. "Quinn deserves you more than I ever did and she'll make you happy," those words were slurred in the phone and Rachel knew that Finn had meant them.

Carol had assured her that after a first few weeks of anger and too many beers before going to bed, he had going back to his usual self. And now, when she talks to him – mostly to figure out a way to have their son spending time with him – Rachel can hear serenity and understanding in his voice.

Soon, they'll be able to talk about divorce.

"Yes, he did. He gave his okay for Thanksgiving," Rachel replies to Quinn.

They have decided that Rachel and Andrew will fly in Lima for the holiday and while Rachel will stay with her dads, Andrew will spend the week with Finn.

"Good. I'm sorry I can't come with you two."

"It's not your fault you have to film that week."

"I know, but it would have been our first holiday together," Quinn says dejected.

Rachel turns to look at the woman. "Quinn, I intend to spend the rest of my life with you. We have so many holidays we'll spend together. No need to be sad about this one."

Quinn smiles. "You're right. Oh, I didn't ask before, but how were rehearsals today?"

"They went very well. We're almost ready for our debut!"

At the end of September, after three rounds of auditions, Rachel has scored the role of Maria for the Goldoni Theater's production of West Side Story. In four weeks time, they'll finally perform in front of an audience.

The Goldoni Theater is not a Broadway stage and is not one of the most famous theatres in the city but it is a stage and Rachel loves it. She also loves the actors of the company (a mix of resident artists and first timers), the crew, and the show they're working on: having the chance to start her career with the musical she had been a part of when she was in high school is simply perfect.

"God, I can't wait to see you on stage!" Quinn comments. She has asked Rachel to let her assist to rehearsals many times, but Rachel has always refused.

Rachel pecks her lips. "I know."

She loves that Quinn is so impatient about her opening night. Sometimes Rachel thinks that the seven years she has spent forgetting her dreams and the thrill of performing have been more unbearable to Quinn than to her. And now that she is finally using her talent and passionately singing again, they _both_ are ecstatic about it.

Quinn kisses Rachel deeply then, and let her hands roam on Rachel's back and legs.

"Do we really need to watch The Thomson Show?" Quinn asks as her lips moves to Rachel's throat.

"Mmm…what do you propose instead?"

"Well, we have a big bed with satin sheets waiting for us…"

"And?" Rachel prompts a more direct suggestion as her grip on Quinn's hair tightens.

"And I want to fuck you in it," Quinn whispers hotly in her ear, causing Rachel to moan loudly.

"Okay, no Tommy tonight!"

-x-

As they lay spent on their bed forty minutes later, Rachel lets herself get lost into Quinn's eyes. She never gets tired of gazing at them; she loves their changing color, the emotions in them, the way they make her feel like she is looking directly at Quinn's soul. Rachel loves that Quinn always lets her staring into them, giving her access to her thoughts and feelings.

"I love you, Quinn."

It's been almost a month since she said the words for the first time: they were in a café and Quinn was laughing with Andrew at her own horrible attempt to draw a dragon on a tissue, and Rachel – filled with so much love for the two people sat in front of her – had just felt the words leave her mouth. Quinn had stopped laughing then and looked at her with awe. Rachel had repeated the words causing Quinn to lean over the table and kiss her deeply.

The morning after a stolen picture of that moment had gone viral on the internet; Quinn had printed it and put it on her night stand.

Since that day, Rachel has voiced the feeling every day. It can be as an echo of Quinn's 'I love yous' or as a spontaneous declaration but she never forgets to let Quinn know that she loves her.

Quinn smiles at her and pecks her lips. "I love you, too. Now sleep, it's late!"

Rachel looks at Quinn's amber eyes a last time before closing her own eyes.

* * *

And so ends this little fic of mine! Thank you so very much about your reviews, follows and favorites. I struggled with my words and my English many times, but knowing that you were enjoying my story helped a lot. I might have written some scenes for a new fic but it will take some time before I'll publish it.

Take care you all! Until next time!


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